All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
