zippers are such a cool invention
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
