Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
