It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
