Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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