Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
