RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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