Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
