I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
