Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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