oh god the rape fog is back!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
