ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
