I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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