dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
