Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
