ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
