i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Are my feet made of real feet?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
