so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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