i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
