We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
