found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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