i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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