they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize