yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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