Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
