Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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