Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
