just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
