It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
