it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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