Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
