not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
