you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
