we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
