Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
