I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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