after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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