11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
