im drinking this country out of the recession.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize