just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize