they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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