she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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