All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
