just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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