Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
