In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
