took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize