Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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