and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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