She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
