speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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