she woke up with a sticky ear
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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