Pants 0. Shit 1.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
