No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
