I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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