so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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