Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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