he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
