He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
