I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
