at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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