I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
