I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
