why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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