I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
