I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
