Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
