I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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