Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
