I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You can't special order awesome
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
