Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
