Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
how does that bad decision feel?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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