whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
