He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
