guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
